Ghosts in My Head

Estimated reading time: 3 – 5 minutes

Image Credit: Foxtongue @ Flickr.

This drabble is inspired by Katherine and Mikhail from the Vicious Bliss series. I wrote it in one sitting so it’s probably rough around the edges. It really has been a practice in patience to write shorts. I hope that I continue to improve.

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The silence between them left room for the ghosts to creep into her mind.

Katherine watched the scenery pass without care for detail. The gray sky reflected the colors inside her, inside Mikhail. Aware as she was of him, she wished she could say the same for the visions forming in her head.

Love.

The word turned the sky red, hinting at times drenched in blood and forgotten gods with unforgotten obsessions.

Katherine wondered just how much infamy had been committed in the name of love. Katherine hadn’t always been Katherine. Mikhail hadn’t always been Mikhail. She turned her attention from the colorless landscape to the man sitting beside her. Even after all the years, all the betrayal, Katherine found the sight of him intoxicating. To claim Mikhail handsome did him a severe injustice. Mikhail DeMontier was exquisite, beautiful to the point of effeminacy.

There had to be irony in how much he resembled Azer, the phoenix god she had encountered in her netherworld between life and death. Katherine touched her head, eyes cloudy with real memory. She remembered Azer’s fanatic devotion to her, his suffocating passion, and eventual sacrifice in letting her live even though it meant he remained trapped as he had for centuries. He loved her so very much.

No. Not to me. Azer loved Meili to the point of insanity.

Meili, was Katherine’s first incarnation thousands of years before. According to Azer, Meili was the mother of all DeMontier werewolves. It was her blood which gave them the ability to shift between human and wolf. Azer had been in love with Meili, so much so he battled her husband Lazai, a Fallen just like him, to take her away.

He didn’t win. Instead he got sealed for three thousand years. Was it worth it, Azer?

Somehow Katherine doubted it.

Azer loved Meili. While Nikolaus, Mikhail’s next incarnation, possessed Adria, Katherine’s incarnation after Meili. Did he love her? Mikhail seemed to think so. It made sense, after all, Mikhail claimed to have no memory of that time but he still loved Adria.

But who loves me? Azer saw Meili in me. Mikhail saw Adria. No one saw me.

The ghosts swirled in her mind. Katherine imagined the splinters in her soul. Faceless names, living in the memories of the men who possessed them. They lay trapped, embedded into a fabric designed by Fate. Katherine wrapped her arms about her waist and thought of the little life that had once nestled there.

Never seen, never acknowledged by me, your mother. You died—unknown. Is that my punishment? To be forgotten even as I stand before them? If so, I accept it. I do because it’s the least I can do for you.

Mikhail turned to look her. He smelled the tears she couldn’t shed. Katherine felt his compassion and knew he understood part of her pain. His hot hand hovered over hers. He kept his attention on the road but his near-touch communicated more than passing interest.

Katherine gave thought to the women she had once been. She wondered if happiness had been hers once. How many times had she lived with the man next to her? Just the two or were there many, many more lifetimes hidden away?

Being a ghost was awful but it was so much more awful while still alive.  

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