Claudia D. Christian

Estimated reading time: 8 – 14 minutes

CHAPTER FOUR
“Lies Can Be Beautiful”

I can be what you want.
I can remake this world in your image.
I can because I must.

Spring 1995
Southeastern United States

Gaudy lights, greasy smells, and a crush of people marked Katherine’s third date with Mikhail. The first being their initial encounter. The second date when they met for breakfast the morning after. That had been five days before and it had gone surprisingly well.

Most especially since Katherine had almost not gone.

She had spent the whole night prior debating on whether she should go. Distance dulled the very real connection she had made with Mikhail. Neurosis made it so Katherine began to believe maybe none of it had really happened the way she remembered.

For every reason why she should meet Mikhail she had two against.

In the end, she had gone.

Adrenaline beat back exhaustion when Katherine saw Mikhail standing by the restaurant door. She had shown up fifteen minutes early but he had done her better.

Mikhail had met her at the curb, grabbed her hand, and grinned.

Katherine’s stomach flip-flopped when she saw his smile. She didn’t have to read Mikhail to see the effect repeated. From there shy hellos had evolved into a three hour breakfast. Communication birthed as stilted, grew into a marvelous tandem of easy conversation despite the hovering waitress.

After the thirtieth “Can I get you anything else?” Mikhail had paid the check with a rather large bill. He then thanked the server for her superb service and had asked her to keep the change. Katherine’s had watched in bemusement as the sour face blossomed into a beautiful smile.

She found she wasn’t surprised at all to see Mikhail have that kind of power. After all, hadn’t she felt it as well?

When he asked her to meet him at the carnival that weekend Katherine didn’t have to look in a mirror to know her smile rivaled that of the waitress.

Now as she walked next to Mikhail, ever conscious of his closeness, Katherine wondered if perhaps she had been too hasty with everything.

Ever since I met him I’ve lost all control. And the thing is…I don’t even care. I like it. I like not having to calculate everything. I like feeling free. I like being able to touch him and not feel like I’m doing something evil. I just like the way I feel when I’m with him.

And that’s just so wrong.

She had been careful to not give into her empathic urges when Mikhail held her hand to help her disembark a ride. Given they went on every ride in the park, excluding the kiddy ones, she had to control herself numerous times.

And now this.

“Have you ever been in love?”

“What?” Training her gaze to stare straight ahead, Katherine tried to ignore the humiliating flush burning her cheeks.

“You know—love. Have you ever been in love?”

A nervous trill of laughter broke free. The bubblegum cotton candy she held began to droop in her slack fingers. It became sticky and wet against her chin. Glancing at his curiously determined expression, Katherine realized with a sinking stomach Mikhail wouldn’t be denied an answer.

Great.

Finding the carnival sweet in her fist infinitely fascinating, Katherine replied in a hesitant voice. “In love? You mean in love, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, I see.” She felt her cheeks fill with even more blood. “Umm…actually…not really,” she stammered.

“Never?”

The shock in his voice made Katherine frown in self-conscious irritation. She met his jade-green eyes boldly. “No, I haven’t. I don’t think it makes me a mutant or anything. It’s just that I never found the right person before now—”

Realizing what she had just divulged, Katherine gasped in mortification. She dropped her panicked gaze and began to eat the spun candy with desperate nibbles while walking away.

“Now?” Mikhail halted her quickening steps with one strong hand. He tipped her chin until she had no choice but to look at him. “What do you mean by now?”

“Uh…nothing! I just meant…” Katherine’s voice trailed off into a humiliated whisper. It was true. She loved him. Even though she had only known him for a week, Mikhail had become the most important part of her life.

How can I admit that to him?

It was ridiculous and she knew it.

“I’ve never been in love before,” Mikhail admitted.

Sadly swallowing the lump in her throat, Katherine was poised to murmur something appropriate when he said it to her.

“Until now.”

Update 11-13-09

Katherine recoiled. She almost dropped her fairy-pink cotton candy. “What did you just say?”

He immediately crowded her; not wanting to let her move away from him. Mikhail dipped his head and placed warm lips next to her small ear. “I love you, Katherine.”

Standing there, clutched his embrace, she looked past his shoulder. Electric lighting blurred, becoming a chaotic representation of their unusual circumstance. With his touch, she found the emotional walls between them becoming paper-thin. Katherine tried to respect their construction, even though she knew all it would take is one well-placed thought to punch right through them.

“You’ve only known me a week.”

“Same as you. And just like you, I’m in love.”

“Huh?” Katherine craned her head back to search his face. “What do you mean by that?”

His eyes crinkled with teasing warmth. “You love me too.”

She sputtered; cheeks pink and mouth gaping like a fish. “Well…I mean…I really didn’t say…you…ah…”

“Yes, you did. I heard you.” Seeing she was going to continue to spout denial in a nonsensical string of broken phrases, Mikhail tapped her nose once. “My ears are very, very good. I heard you, Katharina.”

Katherine trembled from all the emotions trying to erupt. Her gaze skittered away from his.

Isn’t this what I always wanted? Someone to love me. Someone who wasn’t afraid of me. So why am I so afraid?

“Mikhail?”

“Yes?”

“Is this going to get sexual?”

He whipped away his hands from her arms. Mikhail shoved them in his pockets. “Wow. I…uh…wow! That came out fast.”

Katherine took courage from his distance. “Do you just want sleep with me?”

“No. Not just.” The uncomfortable creases in his face took on comic proportions. “I mean, if that’s where we go then yes.”

“Are you liar?”

Mikhail froze. His gaze became glass.

“Would you lie to me just to get me in bed?”

“No.” His whisper made Katherine infinitely sad and delirious all at once. “I would never use you like that. Never. I would never do anything that disgraceful to any woman. Ever.”

Katherine wanted to trust with her eyes and not with her touch. She wanted to but she knew herself better. So she came to him, hand sticky with sugar and touched his burning cheek. Feeling Mikhail made her eyes close in bliss. Katherine entered his mind and danced in his lovely emotions.

She saw them together, imaginings like smoke in his thoughts.

Oh, he does want me. Badly. But that’s not all. He…he loves me. I’m inside his heart. Even I know this is insane. We don’t know each other. I can’t believe I started this stupidity but here we are. He’s not lying to me. He’s not. He loves me. Me!

“Katharina?”

She hummed in answer.

“What are you doing?”

Katherine gasped, pulling out of his body with violent disconnect. She struggled to find normalcy in her phrasing. “I just…I just wanted to touch you. I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s okay.” He rushed to pull her hand against him again. “I like it when you touch me. You can do it whenever you want.”

Mikhail’s earnest smile set off guilt.

If only you knew what you were really agreeing to.

Update 2-27-10

Katherine sighed deeply, face troubled by a problem she couldn’t quite grasp. “I like you.” She said it slowly, deliberately, as if she were confessing to a heinous crime.

“Like? That’s all?”

His teasing grin curled her toes and robbed some of her severity. “That’s more than you should get for making me blush.”

Mikhail slid the back of one finger against her flushed cheek. “I like to see you blush. I like knowing I can make you blush.”

“You make me do a lot of things I’m not used to.” Katherine allowed a heady smile to overtake her. “I think I’m going to like it.”

He stared. Katherine’s grin contracted. She had the urge to bury her face back into cotton candy.

“I’ve never seen you smile like that. I thought all this time you were giving me…” Mikhail tucked her hair over her ear. “I want to continue to make you happy, Katharina. I never want to make you lose your smiles again.”

Katherine simply nodded.

“Come. Let us go see what else the night will find for us, yes?”

“Yes.” This time she placed her hand in his without hesitation.

“Oh, so sticky!” He kissed her knuckles. “Now I am sticky too.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll go wash them.”

He regarded the small, overly-concerned face in dismay. “Katharina, you take me too seriously. I was only teasing. I don’t care if your hand is sticky, dirty, clean, or otherwise. I love it as much as I love you.”

She ducked her head. Pink pleasure bloomed. The strain of touching him faded. Katherine stayed on her side of the world, allowing him the privacy he deserved. Instead, she focused on how nice it was to hold his hand.

“You don’t like being touched much, do you?”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because I can feel it.”

Katherine’s enraptured grin disappeared. She wiggled her hand free. She remembered their secrets. His secrets. “You can feel it.”

“Yes. Your body shakes. Deep inside…like it’s straining. Why?”

She thought of how much she liked the idea of him being different like her. Now she didn’t like it very much at all. “Mikhail…” A group of people crowded the space between them, cutting off her words. Katherine flinched when their limbs jostled her. She didn’t put up her walls fast enough. Slivers of emotional memories scraped across, filling her mind with things that didn’t belong.

“Feet hurt…”

…

“Can’t wait to get home so I can tell Tonya…”

…

“Hope I don’t get in trouble for being out later…”

…

“I like her but can’t let her know it…”

…

She sought his gaze from between the numbers of strange bodies. The crowd looked so happy but it was obvious they weren’t. They lied to one another, but never to themselves. Katherine wondered if it was humanity’s way. If so, did she belong there too? Or did she have to live by a different set of rules?

Mikhail slit the crush. He walked through and grasped her wrist. He pulled her to him and enclosed her in his arms. Katherine buried her face in his chest and just let herself feel.     

Image Credit: Hbregazzi @ Stock.Xchng

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